parenting so far...

it really has been going back to the basics for me

really being with myself and being mindful of how im feeling

have i drank water?

have i eaten?

am i taking deep breaths?

whats on my mind?

those questions will really make an impact on my interactions with baby and my partner

knowing where im at and what i need

i really want baby to be mindful with themself

to really in their body

i try to be that way so he can mirror and there be reciprocity

this may sound simple but it has been difficult but so much has been discovered

about unhealthy habits i have been creating for x reason, some even trauma responses

so it has been a learning experience about myself really

getting to know myself

starting is the most difficult

I usually do not find it hard to start a project. I just get an idea in my head and I get to it. In this case starting this blog has been so difficult. For the past months I have thought about starting a blog but every time I said to myself "okay I am going to do it", I either talked myself out of it, forgot, or just got too darn busy. Now in these 10 minutes I have before baby R wakes up, I am putting this first intro together. It may not be the most thought-out, but it's a start. I'm not 100% sure how I want this blog to go but in the meantime while I overthink this some more, I will leave you with my reason why I want to do this.

All of what I write in this blog is my personal thoughts, not advice. I just want a place I can express all that I am feeling and doing it in a way that may help others not feel alone or just some good reading material (even with my grammar errors).

It will be a reflection of all the changes I have gone through and going through. It's a never ending spiral really- change after change after change... Some times posts will be short, other times long, sometimes poem-like, other times just words spaced out that hopefully will somehow convey what I am feeling. I want to say some of this will be in Spanish but who knows.

Back what I said earlier about not finding it hard to start projects, I don't find it difficult because I don't tell anyone. There are about 5+ project in my closet I have not shared with anyone. I thrive on lack of accountability on my projects. With this though, I don't even know how it will end nor how it will be received. A lot of it is just being scared of being judged. Now if I am so scared why don't I just write in a journal and tuck it away somewhere? Well in motherhood I have felt pretty lonely at times and I guess this is a way of helping create a sense of community. Not sure how many people will read this or how many more posts I will make, but it's a start and hopefully a commitment for sometime.

Hope you stick around for some more.

Fatima